It has been a while since my crush on e, but given time it seems to have become a nice friendship. We text once in a while and see each other for moments here and there. I still think she's cute and sexy in a primitive sort of way (which I prefer) and I am less tense and more relaxed around her. I think she likes that better, too. She is younger than me, but not as young as A.
I haven't seen A for two months and have only exchanged a handful of texts. She is so sweet and vulnerable, but our age difference is a big deal to me. I can adore her all I want, but wouldn't want to tie up her life and then go and die. It would be so unfair. The good thing is that she doesn't have that kind of interest in me anyway. I think I can handle being in her presence now. I still think she is one of the most wonderful people I ever met, but a serious reality check was in order. Hard to get my brain to override my heart, but it had to happen.
Been talking to the wife about separation. She has been treating me very nicely for a while now. Her drinking is getting back toward its usual overindulgence, however. She still loves me, she says, and even after twenty some years of sex-free living she is starting to hint that it may be a possibility. I have never betrayed that aspect of our lives, but after this long it will take a lot of convincing before I really consider it. I like her most of the time, but what we have is not a marriage to me. Don't think I'll ever want a marriage again. Once was enough. An occasional girlfriend would be nice, though. Who knows if it will ever happen. It may not be all that important after all and I think I would be fine as an independent spirit. I like company, but it has a price that I may not be willing to pay anymore. Then again, you just never know what will be around the next corner.