Saturday, February 4, 2017

It makes no difference

That's the title of a song by The Band that is one of the saddest unrequited love songs I know. That and the Ray Charles version of You Don't Know Me.

The difference between them is that in It Makes No Difference there was once a love that is no more.
It makes no difference where I turn
I can't get over you and the flame still burns
It makes no difference, night or day
The shadow never seems to fade away

 And this:
 Now there's no love
As true as the love
That dies untold

Then Ray Charles sings about a woman he loves, but they are just friends and he must watch her go away with some other guy.

 No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
Longs to hold you tight
Oh I am just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me 

Then at the end:

Oh, you give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me
(you don't love me, you don't know me) 

I Imagine we have all gone through this and it hurts often with a pain that is debilitating, but what can you do.

My friend A is like the last one. I am sure she knows my feelings are strong, but that I won't do anything about them. I haven't seen her for a month and a half and we have only sent a few texts and I had hoped my feelings would wane as they usually do after time. They haven't, but I wish they would. She is going to Mexico for a vacation and I assume not going alone. I always wish her the greatest of happiness and I always hope her life turns out the way she wants it to knowing I can never really be a part of it.

She is the only one of my friends and acquaintances that knows this blog exists, but I am pretty sure she doesn't read this, otherwise I wouldn't have written this. She was very kind to me at a time when no one else was or had any idea how far down I had gone. Maybe that was what drew me in. Of course, everything I know about her just makes me care more. Unfortunately, nothing will ever come of it so I learn to live with the pain. I can sometimes push it aside, but it's always there to remind me that there is someone in the world like her.

But it makes no difference and she'll never know.  

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